(OK, so, well, I was wondering, um …)

Who are these boys?
Who will not leave us alone
Who are these boys?
Who are these boys?
Wearing nasty cologne
And are all up in my zone
Who are these boys?
Who are these boys?
Crabbe and Goyle, stop asking us out

Who are these boys?
Who are these boys? (Will you be my girlfriend?)
Who follow us all around
Who are these boys? (I have a lot to offer …)
Who are these boys?
Sniff us out like hounds
And need to lose a few pounds
Who are these boys? (Look at my muscles!)
Who are these boys?
Crabbe and Goyle, stop asking us out!

[Brittany, spoken:] Oh man, Kristina …
[sung:] How are we going to get them to leave us alone?
[Kristina:] I don’t have a single clue
[Brittany:] I have one horrible, terrible, disgusting, nasty, horrific idea
[Kristina:] I guess that’s the only thing we can do

[Both:]
We went on a date with Crabbe and Goyle (All right!)
I can’t believe we agreed to it (Yeah, me neither)
We hope that this will make them leave us alone (How about next Friday?)
Even when we think about it, we get sick

[spoken:]
[Kristina:] Well, you gotta tell about yours first.
[Brittany:] Oh man, OK …

[sung:]
Well, Crabbe is such a stupid man
He told me he had a plan / [Crabbe:] I have a plan!
So, I followed him, hoping it would be fun

[spoken:]
[Kristina:] It wasn’t fun, was it?
[Brittany:] It wasn’t fun at all! / [Crabbe:] It was so much fun!

[sung:]
We broke into the kitchen door
And, man, that night was such a bore
I watched him eat and eat and eat; oh, boy, it was dumb (It was tasty!)
He passed right out at half-past two
I magicked him back to his room
I swear I’ll never do it again! (Come on!)

[spoken:]
Your turn …

[Kristina, sung:]
Well, Goyle, he was really bad
He said our date would be so rad (So rad!)
But we never even left the common room (I like that room!)

[spoken:]
[Brittany:] You didn’t leave the common room?
[Kristina:] No, we didn’t.
[Brittany:] Well, what did you do?

[Kristina, sung:]
Well, he beat some poor kid up for me (He had it coming!)
And then he flexed ’til half past three
Before it even started the whole date was pretty doomed / [Crabbe:] awesome!
He even tried to hold my hand
But then I told him he was banned
I swear I’ll never do it again! (I totally got to first base!)

[Both:]
Who are these boys? (Me?)
Who will not leave us alone
Who are these boys?
Who are these boys? (You girls are so hot!)
Wearing nasty cologne
They are all up in my zone
Who are these boys?
Who are these boys?
Crabbe and Goyle, stop asking us out!

Who are these boys?
Who are these boys? (I speak snake too!)
Who follow us all around (Sssss)
Who are these boys? (Sssss)
Who are these boys? (See?)
Sniff us out like hounds
And need to lose a few pounds
Who are these boys? (I said I’m not that fat!)
Who are these boys?
Crabbe and Goyle, stop asking us out! (Please?)